So this is it!
30 years of life on Earth and I'm in lockdown.
As I feel across my body for signs of disintegration, depletion, the smell of mothballs or anything else that would suggest a loss in the battle against gravity, I've realised that isolation has been a pretty good thing.
(FYI, I think I'm okay so far. I'm not on the 'leather bag' spectrum just yet)
Being locked away in order to save the world from a virus that is wreaking terror on the planet, hasn't been as much of a 'sentence' as I'd been expecting. Even for a milestone birthday. (If we lived in the Paleolithic age, it would mean I'm an elder now - GO ME!)
This has come as a surprise because I'm the kind of woman who loves moving about.
Be it travelling between cities/states/countries, prancing through activities/lessons/adventures all over the countryside or exploring natural movement and popping a raise-heeled-squat to get those leg joints nice and mobile.
With this in mind, I'd have thought being made to stay at home would have morphed me into a bratty 3-year-old or a cantankerous old biddy by now.
But what is actually occurring is something more like when carbon atoms come under high temperature and pressure. That's right. I've become a diamond.
I'm kidding. Or am I? ;)
What I really mean is, with all this time to sit and ponder, reflect, try to avoid my psyche, I have pressurised all those thoughts, ideas, curiosities and queries I had within myself. This self-inquiry has eventuated in the discovery of the secret ingredient I need, to live the life I have been craving.
Not just share my chocolate, not just photos of my breakfast/lunch/GIFs-relating-to-my-political-standpoint. No.
I mean sharing the lessons I'm learning, the ideas they inspire and the creations they instigate within me, then sharing them with the world.
Not just my Mum or my cat. #forcedaudience
It might seem like a simple and easy idea, and for some, it is, but for me, this is my kryptonite. (Note: I will discuss the 'kryptonite' we all experience in some capacity soon).
It's been a long time since I've put creative content out there. Which is silly as it's what I'd intended on Hannah's Umbrella to be used for. In the beginning anyway. That was of course before something thing called 'perfectionism' got in the way.
That big old obstacle in my path that I didn't even realise was standing there.
Before I was having a midlife crisis. Before I had time to sit and contemplate. Before I realised I was dismantling all my plans from the inside, I was in a never-ending cycle of thinking that I had to do more, learn more, experience more before I could share what I was making.
Not any more. Things are going to change.
Being in isolation and hitting this milestone age has offered me an incredible gift.
With the awareness that I've got a version of that horrid disease of perfectionism, and that to overcome it I need to be BRAVE and SHARE, I am actively changing the way I do things.
For me what that actually looks like is still coming into focus, as I become really honest with myself as to what I ultimately want to grow into achieve. So stay tuned as more of that comes to light and I share it with you!
But what I'd like to know is, how about you?
How has this isolation and/or coming of age (if that happens to be in your calendar as well), shifted your thinking?
What has it made you aware of in the constant run towards your dreams and goals?
Or what has it made you aware of when doing an inventory of your life's challenges and triumphs?
Have you actually stopped filling your days with cleaning the skirting boards and door frames of your house, finally having run out of things on that 'to-do' list long enough to consider these things?
I'm curious to know how you're making the best out of this time!
With all of this in mind, I'm officially sharing something today.
This is a poem I penned when contemplating this isolation, please enjoy and let me know what you think!
With love, a squirt of eye cream & an extra toilet paper roll,